Depressions of a Mad Wolf

Yes I know, I've commited the ultimate sin of blogging and haven't posted for, what, a week?  Just having a few psychological issues at the moment, hopefully normal service will soon be resumed.  Again, nothing has actually happened, but last Wednesday I had a complete meltdown, where everything just got way, way, WAY too much, and I ended up crying solidly for a good three hours.  Seriously. 

I don't like to say I'm Depressed (with a capital D), as there are people in the world actually suffering from this illness, and describing yourself as 'Depressed' totally belittles the severity of the real thing.  But, I did feel awful last week; it's been brewing for a while, and at the time I would've said I felt depressed - with a very small d. 

Have got so much work to do at Uni, and I'm completely shattered - our terms are 11 weeks long, which is crucifying to say the least.  Just want a break; in the sense of some time out, not anything to do with bones, because that's the last thing I want.  Funny that, how one word can simultaneously mean something that I'm desperate for, yet something that I constantly dread...  Anyway, whenever I think of the Christmas holidays, I'm reminded of how much work I've got to do in them, and it's driving me insane.

VW was brilliant, as usual, last week and told me to a) calm down, and b) prioritise  - concentrate on one thing at a time.  Of course she's right, and I'm now trying to take things a bit slower and easier.  Skived off Uni today, which I never do, but it was just more constructive to stay home in the relative warmth, and work, than sit in a seminar which will have no bearing on the content of any of my essays.  Does mean I haven't seen South for a week, which was a tough price to pay.  Have even drawn up a little timetable of when I want to start and finish each essay - sad I know, but it helps me sleep at night - and I think I'll be ok.  Doesn't stop me worrying about the slightest thing at the moment though; I think I've totally lost the plot actually.  It really bothers me that no one else seems to be such a gibbering wreck as me - though, I wouldn't wish how I felt last Wednesday on too many people - and also that, if I'm this messed up about writing 12,000 words in 7 weeks - which is what it ultimately boils down to - then what the hell am I going to be like when it comes to writing a 20,000 word dissertation?  I've spent many a fun hour contemplating that.

I'll be back, but I may be some time...

BW xxx

PS, Dark Handsome Stranger announced that last Wednesday was his final seminar with us.  As if I wasn't depressed enough, could've cried there and then.  But I didn't.  Waited till I got home instead.