Talking Talking Happy Talk

I'm baaaa-aaaaack, did yer miss me??  No?  Oh, right then... Well I've missed blogging for sure.  Feel a bit like a neglectful parent but, to be honest, I've had some pretty legit reasons for my absence.  Yeahhhh, so haven't had such a good time of it of late, what with one thing and another.  Obviously there's been all the stress of Uni, which I won't go over again, see my earlier post Depressions of a Mad Wolf for details.  But I'm delighted to announce that I'm on top of it, in fact more than on top of it; I've climbed the mountain and am casually lazing on the other side, enjoying a crafty fag and appreciating the smaller things in life, like puppies and raindrops.  Well not quite, I don't smoke, but you get the picture.  I've finished all three of my essays in plenty of time for Christmas, and am now officially on holiday.  Phew, thank Crunchie for that.

I still don't quite know what happened back there, why I had such a meltdown, and although I'm feeling really good at the moment (haven't cried for 9 days, record!), I'm worried it will happen again.  I mean, it was only 13,000 words, and I had enough time to do it, so why all the fuss?  Pffffffft, I really dunno.  I think the pressure just got too much, and I literally boiled over.  There's also been some long-standing family stuff going on, which I can't really go into now.  I mean, I want to, think it would be quite cathartic actually, but a couple of close friends read this blog, and I don't wanna say stuff on here without talking to them first.  So let's just say that some old crap got dragged up again, and it didn't help.

Talking of talking, I have actually talked to somebody about the aforementioned crap, namely the brilliant and wise beyond her years, VW.  I'm not normally very good at offloading, it's like Donna (Catherine Tate) said to the Doctor once: 'you talk all the time but you don't say anything'.  Yep, that about sums me up too.  I'm a great listener, and can talk for England, or any other country for that matter, but when it comes to sharing my emotional stuff, I'm harder to break than the Da Vinci code.  Dunno why, always have been.  Hate crying in front of people for a start, am even less attractive crying than normal, and I am a crier, so 'fraid one goes hand in hand with the other. 

Anyway, so I talked to VW, and told her things that I've not told anyone before, which was really hard.  Really hard.  I didn't cry though.  Progress.  She gave me some advice, but mainly it was good to have someone to listen.  One of her gems of wisdom was to talk more, and she's right, so I will.  I'm even signed up for a mentoring session at Uni on the 26th of Jan.  Apparently 'mentoring' is like counselling but different as you get support with study skills etc.  Maybe it's what I need.  What with the home stuff and Uni and everything, it probably would be good to talk.  Think that's why I like blogging, it's kinda like therapy.  Only rather one-way... Didn't even have any counselling after The Event, which I probably should've done, as even now I can't think about it without going all cringey.

I'm hoping that 2011 will see a much calmer, less tearful, happy wolf.  2010 wasn't a bad year on the whole, in fact it was frickin' great!  Apart from the last couple months... Oh, and last New Year's Day... When The Doctor regenerated?  Duhhhhh.  Highlights of 2010 then, I graduated; one of the best moments of my life, and got accepted onto the MA; which a few years ago I never would've seen happening.  I had the best birthday that I've had in a very long time, which lasted a week, and involved some amazing friends and relatively little alcohol.  I celebrated living in my home for a year, which was very special for me and my mother on a personal level; new beginnings and all that.  And I've developed a very close, stronger than super glue, bond with VW (God help her), who has really helped boost my confidence and, like I say, just been the rock I needed, showing me that it really is ok to share stuff.  Even if it involves the waterworks I guess.  Even her Christmas card, which she bought round today, made me well up (in a good way); she said that I was amazing, and not to forget it.  Of course, she's right.  She told me off today too, for working too hard.  Of course, she's right.

So gonna try and be positive about the forthcoming year.  Yes I've still got another term and a 20,000 word dissertation to get through, but I'll have the mentoring support (providing I ask for it).  Yes my family are still gonna drive me insane, but they're my family, and I gotta stick by 'em... Some of them anyway.  If I don't who will?  No one else would have them.  And I've still got my friends, some of whom are probably gonna hear a lot more from me in the very near future.  Poor buggers.  In fact, run you people that know me, run faaaaarrrrr away!

Merry Christmas everyone, and have an awesome New Year,

BW xxx

PS, I've deliberately avoided mentioning until now the fact that, for the first Christmas in five years, David Tennant won't be The Doctor.  It's just too gruesome a thought, as a certain Ms Golightly would say (RIP Blake Edwards).  It will be a strange and sad Christmas evening, without David Tennant lighting up my bedroom - what?  I watch Doctor Who in bed, what on earth did you think I meant?  You disgusting lot.

PPS, in case I don't get chance to blog again before New Year, here are my resolutions:

To be a nicer, more supportive, daughter.
To blog more, I know I've been pretty slack lately.
To say that I need help/support/a chat/a blub as soon as I need it, not several weeks later.  I don't ever wanna feel like that again.
To be happy.

Who's Top Companion? Er, Rose is!

Check out my comment on the Radio Times' poll of best Doctor Who companions:

http://www.radiotimes.com/blogs/1103-doctor-who-billie-piper-rose-tyler-voted-best-companion/

I will blog properly soon.  Promise.

BW xxx