Round-Up

Crazy, mad-busy week this week, so today's post is a summary of all that's happened; dead exciting stuff too, you'll be hooked.

Monday

Did bugger all.  I figured I needed to conserve my spoons for the week ahead, that, and I popped a rib sneezing, which didn't rate too high on the pain scale, but I spent the day in bed anyway.

Tuesday

Worked at the museum, as per, but stayed on an extra hour as I knew I'd be meeting The Legend for a PhD-related chat, and I'd missed a couple days' work last month due to illness/malfunctioning chair, so didn't wanna take the piss.  Not that I get paid, but I'm nice like that I guess.  Felt that extra hour too, but hardly slept that night cos my rib was killing me – The Wife will tell me off after reading this; she told me not to go in if I was hurting.  I wasn't till I got home, honest! 

It was worth it though, seeing The Legend, as I knew it would be.  She loved my proposed PhD topic – well, she would; it was her comments on my MA dissertation that 'inspired' me!  Not gonna go into too much detail about my subject yet, in case somebody happens to nick it before I get there.  It's hardly finalised either, and needs a lot of polishing.  Let's just say, that I'm thinking older women in Disney films, which is pretty much as fair as I've got, too be honest!

Yeah, so The Legend approved – always a bonus – and gave me some research tips, which I'm gonna make every effort to follow up; if I do this, I'm doing it properly.  She has actually got me quite excited and determined about it; I knew if anyone would, it'd be her.  On the other hand, I'd already made up my mind that, if I'd come away from that meeting still feeling terrified – not that I'm not a bit terrified – and unsure, then I wasn't ready for a PhD yet.  Guess maybe I am, I think.  Like I say, it still scares me to death, and I said as much to The Legend, who replied with 'it is hard' – duhhh – but she thought I could do it.  She also said 'we' a lot, like 'we'll plan a proposal' – in the summer, when I'm to go back and see her – or 'we'll have great fun researching this'.  I thought this was sweet, and hope I'm not deluding myself by thinking that The Legend is really gonna see me through, and be dead supportive.  Not that I ever doubted that, but it was lovely to hear – assuming I'm right – and has made me look forward to this next, mahoosive, step.  I'd probably end up with The Legend, or HH, or both, as my supervisor(s), cos of my topic, so I know I'd be well looked after, and should get a lot out of the experience.  There's the prospect of me teaching while studying too, starting by shadowing a lecturer, then gradually doing a bit myself.  Love the idea of this; how it'll work in practise I'm not sure, depending on the practicalities, and whether students will even take to me – quite a major concern for some spoonies, I imagine.  Still, it's a challenge, and I'm not one to be overly concerned about what other people think, so bring it on.  In 19 months.  I'm not that ready.

Another thing that warmed me to The Legend was that she asked not only how I was, but how things were going at home with carers, and the hoisting/lifting saga – which I know I haven't discussed in great detail here. I will, but it'll be a ranty one, and I need to build up to it.  Anyway, aside from The Wife, Gloria and VW, none of my friends ever ask me about this stuff; how I'm really getting on, and it makes me love the people that do even more, cos they care, else they wouldn't ask.  Course, as I'm not half as close to The Legend as the above three, I gave her a slightly watered down version of events; a bit 'I'm fine' but with greater honesty, and she was very understanding, and annoyed for me – again, I will explain at a later date.

All in all, Tuesday was good, but I used a lot of spoons.

Oh, I met one of the main 'donors' to the museum too.  He was the 'partner' – in quotes as I'm not sure what kind of partner, and don't like to ask – of the [now deceased] founder, and still sends a loada film-related stuff through from time to time.  Very sweet chap, thanking me for all my 'hard work', bless.

Wednesday

Went with new enabler – referred to as SB from this point on, reckon she's passed the trial period – to see War Horse at the cinema.  Awesome, tragic film, though I didn't cry, surprisingly, thought I'd be a wreck.  I think, probably, had I been at home, in the comfort of my bed, I would've bawled.  Gok Wan had me going a couple weeks ago; I will cry at anything, but don't cry in public.  It's not that I won't, cos I was quite prepared to on Wednesday, and wouldn't have minded a good ol' cathartic weep, but I just don't.  Much. 

I'm really hoping to be able to go to the cinema way more often, now I've got SB; I went once in 2011, and I am a Film grad.  Sorry, Post-grad *grins*.  Apart from anything else, it's great to do something normal – for non-spoonies – that I don't often get the opportunity to do.  Mother moaned at me for making SB drive me to Tesco first, to get supplies – yup, I smuggled in; so sue me – cos of the effort of getting me in and out the car.  SB was ok about it, I'd checked with her numerous times while we were making the arrangements, and we've got it down to a fine art now, pretty swiftly too.  No problems.  To be honest, and I've noticed this when I've gone out with VW, mother seems to get dead touchy – shitty – with me before I go out.  It's probably just a slightly heightened way of nagging me; maybe she's nervous about me going out without her.  I can't help thinking though, and this is gonna sound awful, but maybe she's jealous that I'm choosing to do these fun, normal things with someone else… I expect I'm totally wrong, and I'm sure she understands that I need people like VW and SB to keep me bloody sane!  Almost sane.

I'd had to get up early – earlier than normal – as mum went to my sisters', and going out used a lot of spoons, as I was sitting for a good six hours – following Tuesday's longer stint, and little sleep, so I was pretty knackered Wednesday night.

Thursday

Had my haircut, no biggie… Yeah, actually I hate getting my hair cut, and I always felt like a bit of a twat, as I know a lot of people find it very relaxing and enjoyable.  However, after reading Christin Miserandino's Spoon Theory, I can imagine this task could be difficult for other spoonies, and had a tweet from someone this week to confirm this. 

Following my spinal fusion op at the age of six, I can't sit upright unaided, or hold my own head up.  So, when it comes to the hairdessers', I need someone – mother – to do it for me.  Leaning forward, even for a matter of a few minutes, kills my back and neck; probably cos the muscles don't get used much.  It takes less than 20 minutes to have my hair cut, but I'm left aching and exhausted afterwards and, coupled with Tuesday and Wednesday's exploits, I was running very low on spoons by this point.

Friday

Another early start, so no chance of earning a few spoons back with a lie in.  I did spend most of the day horizontal; either in bed, or on my sister's settee when I was there in the afternoon, but I was already so tired that any effort was spoon-consuming. 

Saturday

Today.  Currently lying in bed while dictating/typing this, so conserving some spoons, though I did go out briefly with the parentals this morning.  I'm likely gonna be able to spend the next couple days resting up, which ordinarily would fill me with dread of the threat of boredom, but I think I'm going to need that time, cos I am tired.  I must be getting old, as I obviously somehow managed a five-day week at college, back in the day.  I dunno, maybe now that I understand the Spoon Theory, I'm aware of how I feel? 

It doesn't help that I woke myself up unnecessarily early [again] this morning, after a really emotional dream about Gloria; mother had upset her somehow, and she wrote me a letter saying basically, as much as she loved me, she couldn't work with me anymore.  It's all a bit blurry, though I do remember crying a lot, but that was the gist.  It still gets me a bit now actually, thinking about it, and I'm just going to ring Gloria for a chat; though I won't be telling her about the dream.  She'll think I'm bonkers, which I probably am, though I think it smacks of needy if I'm honest.  I'd die if I lost Gloria's friendship over a row, not to mention VW or, god forbid, The Wife.  I think it says a lot that I was more upset about this dream than I was over losing K's 'friendship' last week.  But I digress, going now!

BW xxx

Top Blokes

I'm in a really bad mood.  Dunno why, just woke up like it.  I'm not particularly stressed; I mean I've got a bit of work to do, but nothing unmanageable; and nothing majorly crappy has happened.  I can't even blame the old whipping boy that is PMT - unless the 'P' can stand for post?  I just feel shit.  Maybe I'm tired, I find Uni pretty hard-going sometimes, especially Wednesdays; which just go on forever.  Just feel like having a bloody good cry actually, but instead I'm gonna try and cheer myself up by blogging about gorgeous men... then I'll have that cry.

Über shallow I know, but here is a Top of The Pops-style rundown of the 5 hottest blokes in the Universe, in my humble opinion:

#1 - David Tennant - Sex.  On.  Legs.  I am so in love with this man, I don't quite know what to do with myself.  He first came to my attention as The Doctor - before that I'd ashamedly never heard of him before - but I quite happily fancy him in all guises; even as the rather camp Ghost of Christmas Present, in Catherine Tate's Nan's Christmas Carol (Anderson, 2009).  It's not just looking at him either; his voice has the same cataclysmic effect.  Whenever I hear that gorgeous Scottish timbre, I get this massive cheesy grin on my face, go all giggley, and my heartbeat increases by, like, a thousand BPM.  Surely that's love, right?  He is literally in a universe of his own, and anyone else I claim to be attracted to, comes a very distant runner-up.  Oh, and he's a phenomenally brilliant actor too.

#2 - Johnny Depp.  Yes, I know basically anybody with eyes and a pulse fancies The Depp, but I'm sorry, when someone is that pretty I just gotta go with the flow.  Also, he makes a damn fine pirate!  It feels very wrong to find mucky old Captain Jack Sparrow attractive, but I can't help it; think it's the eyes.

#3 - Tom Hardy.  The actor, not writer, no idea what he looked like, but he did write some great books...  Anyway, Tom Hardy; he isn't my usual 'type', kinda rough and rugged, bit of a bad boy, but HOT.

#4 - John Barrowman.  Very gay: check.  Slight look of Tom Cruise: check (and immediately moving on), but still; he looks great in a military jacket, as evidenced in his portrayal of Torchwood's Captain Jack Harkness.  Oooo, another Captain Jack, I see a pattern emerging... albeit a very short one, he was the last.

#5 - Richard Armitage.  Now I don't really follow him as an actor per se.  I mean, I don't watch Spooks, or Robin Hood (who did?), but I think he is very very pretty, and has The Sexiest voice EVER (after David of course).

That's that then... well sort of.  The above Top 5 are just that, but I also wanna pay a brief homage to the following select few who unfortunately didn't make the shortlist.  Well-played boys, well-played:

Joseph Fiennes - by name and nature.  Particularly fine as Agent Benford in Flash Forward.

Jason Merrells - how happy am I that he's now in Emmerdale?

Jenson Button - such a shame that whenever he's on tv, he wears a silly helmet, and drives what can only be described as a Meccano car repeatedly around a track, yawn.  He should get a proper job, like a tv news-reader, or naked model...

Christopher Eccleston - don't like him quite as much as I used to, but in that battered old leather jacket, with that accent; I wouldn't say no.

Aidan Turner - Being Human's Irish vampire, need I say more??

David Boreanaz - another David, and another vampire, this time Angel from Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  He went through a brief fat and hairy stage after Buffy (see Dido's White Flag vid), but I believe normal hotness has been resumed.

Dark Handsome Stranger - he's studying for a PhD (a Doctorate, you mucky lot), and often sits in on one of my modules.  Soooooooo lush, kinda like a young David Duchovny - whom I use to fancy, before he became a hairy 'sex addict' - AND he always sits opposite me (DHS, not Duchovny *shudders*.
South - one of my lecturers.  Not typically 'good-looking' I suppose; kinda nerdy, which is a real turn on for me.  Seems to have subscribed to the same school of fashion as the 10th Time Lord - suit/trainers *swoon*.  Plus, he wears those black thick-rimmed glasses that Tennant made so ultra-sexy *double swoon*.  God, maybe I'm more attracted to a 'look' rather than real actual people... *Thinks about Tennant and South without clothes*...  Nahhhhh.

Gok Wan - possibly a guilty pleasure (like Pot Noodle sandwhiches - don't knock till you've tried), but I find him really sexy!  Love what he does in How To Look Good Naked too, though Legend doesn't.  She says that, from a feminist perspective, making women believe that they need nice clothes in order to feel good about themselves is crap, and the whole getting naked ethos is just another form of objectification and voyeurism.  But, as much as I respect Ledge, and bow to her superior wisdom; I disagree!  The way I see it is that, yes Gok uses clothing to build up confidence, but by making women strutt their stuff in the buff, he's saying that we don't need all that clobber to look (and feel great); we can get the same sensation in our own skin.  The fact that he often chooses people that aren't typically regarded in society as 'attractive'; disabled, disfigured, black, homosexual or larger women (and the occasional man) suggests that we're all in the same boat, and shoud be viewed equally; screw convention.  He's made me cry too, and if a bloke makes me cry I generally end up falling in love with them.  How fucked up am I?

Right, that's it then, gonna go put Doctor Who on Youtube now, and have that long-awaited cry.  Though I do feel a tadge better, thinking about all these men.  Not that fancying someone is ever gonna get me anywhere; it hasn't done so yet.  Maybe I should just give up and be a nun.  *Sigh*, come on then David, regenerate, again...

BW xxx

PS, song of the day: Sexy Boy by Air.